25 signs you're succeeding at life (Even if it doesn't feel like it)

We’ve all had days, weeks, months and — for some — even years of dark days and depression. Whether we fall into ruts of self-sabotage, loneliness or insecurity, leading a happy, joyful life can sometimes feel like a chore. 

Most of us are so busy trying to dodge life bullets, we forget to stop and appreciate the little victories. 

Consider for a moment that you're doing a tremendous job at life. Living isn't an easy thing to do, but it can be enjoyable when we start to see the good instead of focusing on the bad. 

You are actually living a good life by recognizing these 25 signs: 

1. Your relationships are less dramatic than they use to be. 

2. You may not have as much money as you want but you live a rich life. 

3. You're not afraid to ask for help and support. 

4. Where you live feels like home. 

5. You’ve raised your standards. 

6. You let go of things that don’t make you feel good. 

7. You have moments where you appreciate who you see in the mirror. 

8. You're working on limiting your inner critic and consciously choosing more positive thoughts. 

9. You’ve learned that setbacks and failure are part of self-growth. 

10. You have a support system that includes people who would do anything for you. 

11. You hear “I love you” often, from friends, family or a partner. 

12. You've accepted what you can’t change, but change what you can’t accept. 

13. You don’t complain much, but instead focus on solutions. 

14. You don’t blame your parents, and accept them for who they are. 

15. You stopped caring about what others think of you. 

16. You're happy for your exes when they move on. 

17. You can celebrate others' successes. 

18. You allow yourself to feel your feelings and are comfortable sharing them. 

19. You have passions that you pursue. 

20. You're able to accept compliments without deflecting.

21. You have things to look forward to.

22. You have goals that have come true.

23. You have empathy for others.

24. You feel connected to your work.

25. You love deeply and open yourself up to be loved by others.

The Part Ones

It's been quite some times i didn't write anything here. A lot's of stuff going around during the time i'm not on here, some changes.

My career change. I got a new job, and it's been eight months on my new job now.
Frankly speaking, i like this job of mine, probably among all of my previous jobs. My boss was a funny guy, not really a control freak like others or nasty old man like the others. LOL. He's understandable and nice. Oh, did i mention which department i'm in? Shit! I'm in Business Development a.k.a BD. 

And my colleagues, well there are the funny ones, the jokers, the mind-their-own-business ones, the cheeky ones, the brilliant ones, all kind of people here, which makes it more interesting. Haha..
The working environment here are much more healthier than the previous ones that i had to be honest. People here are more like family, and i like it this way, and i believe in a healthy environment could makes a lots of different. 

The only thing is that i'm a hell of a forgetful one. Do really need to get over it, like fast. XP
Oh yea, i just remembered something, something that i've never seen it before in a office. I'll tell you but keep it down yea. Haha... we have a massive mini market in our department. Seriously no joke. Lol. We contribute some money for the department snacks, and guess what, we got ourself a mini market. I open it and "wow", what the heck! Hahaha... Cool!!! I can't recall where  keep the picture of it, i remember that i've took a picture of it. I'll search it later on.

We have a new girl in our department last Monday. She's from a place call Malacca in Malaysia, my half home. She's taking over Regional part of work from another girl which move to handling one big account. She's a nice girl, in facts, i bet she'll be better than me. Ah-HA!! XD

I hope things would remain the same if it's good, and gets better if it's not.
Until next time, i've got some stuff to attend to now. I still didn't talk about other things, work is just the first things.

Cheers, and have a nice weekend.
XOXO

16 Characteristics of Real Love

Love. It makes the world go 'round, right? Well, at least that's the how the saying goes. But is it true? It should be, but so many people confuse love with things like jealousy or possessiveness. True love isn't either of those things. But these 16 things are. 

So here are the characteristics of REAL love:

1. Love means saying goodbye to expectations. 

Sure, we all want people to behave the way we want them to. We want them to be more affectionate. Or more outgoing. Or smarter. Or more ambitious. All of these things are expectations. Expectations are just your requirements for "acceptability" of loving someone. But true love has no expectations. It simply loves "as is."

2. Love doesn't play the victim role or blame others. 

Love doesn't think others are "out to get them." Love doesn't think their loved ones are wrong. Love works together. It takes responsibility. It forgives and allows other people's actions to be their journey. Love doesn't take things personally.

3. Love includes letting go. 

Love doesn't equal possession. Just as the saying goes, "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, then it never was." There is truth to that. Love allows people their freedom. It doesn't hold tightly and crush their wings in attempt to keep them. True love doesn't want to possess. It is willing to set you free if you want to be.

4. Love doesn't require you to continue a relationship. 

You may love someone very much, but you may not be compatible with them. Or they may drive you crazy with their continued disregard for your feelings. You can still love them, but that doesn't mean you have to be with them. Love doesn't mean that you have to stay, and stay and stay. You can leave the relationship and love them anyway.

5. Love has no room for jealousy.

Like possession, jealousy doesn't equal love. We think that if we're not jealous of our loved ones that it means that we don't love them. True love has confidence in the quality of the relationship. It knows that the other person is happy and content coming back to you and only you.

6. Love is the absence of fear. 

You can put all emotions on a continuum. On one end, you have love. Then appreciation. After that, it's joy, happiness, contentment and satisfaction. On the opposite end of the continuum of love is fear. Other fear-based emotions include, hatred, insecurity, jealousy or greed.

7. Love is not needing, but wanting.

One of the things we try to teach kids is that there is a clear difference between a want and a need. Needing someone is a feeling based in fear. You fear that you can't live without them, so you need them. And remember, fear is the opposite of love. Wanting someone in your life gives them the freedom to leave, but still shows them you love them.

8. Love is an action, not just a feeling. 

Humans tend to be addicted to intense emotion -- especially when it feels good. So, when we're in love, we want to feel that way forever. But guess what? That higher than "Cloud 9" feeling goes away after a while. That doesn't mean you don't love the other person anymore, it just means that it's not new anymore. So that's where the action needs to kick in. Show the person you love them. Don't just assume they know.

9. Love is unconditional. 

The word "unconditional" means that there are no expectations or limitations set. To love unconditionally is a difficult thing, and most humans aren't good at that. But true love really does love without trying to change the other person.

10. Love means putting other people's needs equal to -- or before -- your own. 

While people may be inherently selfish for survival purposes, this does not serve us well in relationships. If you don't put other people's needs at least equal to your own, they will grow resentful. Real love truly, genuinely cares about other people's happiness and will go to great lengths to make people feel valued.

11. Love is the highest vibration emotion that there is. 

Science has proven that emotions like love and fear have very different vibrations. They can actually measure them. Love vibrates very fast, whereas fear-based emotions (think jealousy, possessiveness, hatred, greed, etc.) vibrate very slowly. When you love completely and unconditionally, there is no fear involved. The vibrations of love make you feel good at all times.

12. Love requires attention. 

Love doesn't ignore. It doesn't look the other way. It wants to be present and be together. When people are in love, sometimes they think that they don't have to "do any more work." But real love actually enjoys giving attention to another person. It feels good, and doesn't see giving attention to another person as a chore.

13. Love understands and accepts differences. Let's face it: We're all different. Even identical twins aren't exactly the same. They have different experiences and outlooks about the world. Real love doesn't make other people wrong for being different. When people truly love another person, they accept their differences.

14. Love varies in how it is expressed and accepted. 

What makes us "feel loved" varies. In the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, he explains the different ways people give and receive love: (1) Words (2) Acts of Service, (3) Giving Gifts, (4) Spending Time Together and (5) Touch. It's important to discover other people's love language so you can understand each other and give love in a way that the other person recognizes it.

15. Love makes you feel good, not bad. 

Many people confuse being in a relationship with love. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean there is true love present. If there is jealousy, possessiveness, constant fighting, abuse (verbal, emotional or physical), that is not love. Refer back to #6. Those are fear-based emotions and actions.

16. Love has empathy. 

Empathy is the ability to put yourself into another person's shoes and see a situation from his/her point of view. Love has deep empathy. "When you hurt, I hurt." People who truly love one another don't want to hurt them. They want them to feel good. They care about their feelings and try everything they can to make them feel valued and worthy.

Remember, love is happiness, appreciation and feeling good. Anything other than that is not love. If we all loved one another as ourselves, the world would be a better place!

Keywords for Taurus

 

Positive

Calm

Patient

Reliable

Warm Hearted

Persistent

Sensual

Enduring

Peaceful

Determined

Security Loving

Feminine
Prosperous

Stable

Deliberate

Leisurely

Laid Back

Realistic

Permanency

Negative

Stubborn

Resentful

Inflexible

Greedy

Self-Indulgent

Materialistic

Passive

Jealous

The Taurus Woman

When you meet a Taurus woman, you will notice that her presence demands a sort of quiet respect. She does not need the attention like the Leo Woman does, but her calm and sensual aura will attract many to her. She doesn't need to cry to get her way, she just uses her practicality and honesty. This Taurus is all woman, so if you want to date her you need to be a good and solid man. She won't settle for anything less, because she knows exactly who she is.  You will never meet someone with more self control than this woman. She does things slow and practical. Even the way she moves is not sharp and quick.
She will be pretty "normal" to a person that has just met her, but take a look at her friends. They are usually pretty wild and crazy. Most of them are very strange as well. Why do you think that is? This woman takes people for how they are, and even enjoys their nuances and individuality. She is patient with everyone, and enjoys being pulled out from her cool exterior every once in a while. She surrounds herself with REAL people, money and fame are not a prerequisite for the people she loves. She is loyal, and she respects the same back in return for whomever she blesses her loyalty with.

Her anger is something to talk about, but not to really concern yourself with.  She is very slow to anger. If you upset a Taurus you must have done something really terrible. When she does reach her breaking point, it's enough to scare even a Scorpio straight out of their skin. She is all about practicality, and doesn't care to sit and ponder the economic policy. If you want to get this woman talking and interested, converse about something practical and logical. If you try to impress her with how smart you are it will not work. She values common sense over intelligence every time.
This woman loves tangible things. You will rarely see fake flowers or fake art in her house. She is all about the senses. She will always smell incredible, and will have impeccable taste in music. She loves scent... it is probably her favorite sense. Make sure that you are always smelling fresh around your Taurus woman, she will notice. She loves the smell of fresh baked cookies, cut grass, and leather.  She loves color too. You will rarely find any shade of crimson in the Bull's home. Stick to pastels and earth tones. She will love the taste of food. Taurus, much like Cancer, love to eat. Cancers eat for comfort, Taurus eats for the sense and taste. Take her somewhere where the food is amazing. She is actually one hell of a cook herself because of her keen sense of taste. If you take her to a concert of a band you know she likes that is also big brownie points for this girl. I don't know one Taurus that does not like music. This sign is also very in tune with nature, so a hike or a bike ride is a grand idea as well.

This woman typically will pick practical and comfortable clothing over something loud and ridiculous. Don't be surprised to find her in yoga pants more than a tight mini skirt. I bet you anything her bed feels like a cloud too. Taurus take a lot of pride in how comfortable their bed is. If a Taurus takes care of you it will be with tea and a hot bath, two things they enjoy very much. They will be wonderful mothers that are patient with their children. When it comes to discipline, she will most likely be stubborn with her rules. All Taurus are stubborn in one way or another.
They aren't one for complaining or griping over small matters. She may appear lazy because of her calm and slow movement, but she has work ethic for days. Unlike Leo, they have no problem supporting a household on her own. They do not want a weak needy man, but they can sure as hell can put the team on their back.

When something serious happens, she will put her practical face on. Where others would stress and cry, she will crack a joke. That is just how these women handle themselves, it is impressive. She will want to marry someone strong and supportive who is sensible with their money. She will not marry you for your money and will be strong for you in your darkest hour. She will want you to be practical and let her surround herself in comfort by creating a tangibly appealing home. They love security, so if you are a struggling artist you may want to find a Pisces because this woman would rather have a man at a starting position making 30k a year at a Fortune 500 company who can work their way through the ranks. 

If you are looking for a wild girl who is unpredictable and loud, the Taurus woman is not for you. She is steady, predictable, loyal, and comforting. She is useful and loving, and will work hard with you to get to a secure and beautiful future. She will create a warm and comfortable home you will never want to leave.

Woman

WOMAN. . . .     

                                                                            

When God created woman he was working late on the 6th day.

An angel came by and asked. "Why spend so much time on her?"

               

The lord answered. "Have you seen all the specifications I have to meet to shape her?"

"She must be washable but not made of plastic, have more than 200 moving parts which must be replaceable.

She must function on all kinds of foods.

She must be able to embrace several kids at the same time.

Give a hug that can heal anything from a bruised knee to a broken heart.

She must do all this with only two hands.

She cures herself when sick and can work 18 hours a day."

                                                                                           

THE ANGEL was impressed. "Just two hands.....impossible!"

And this is the standard model?!" 

The Angel came closer and touched the woman"

"But you have made her so soft, Lord"

"She is soft", said the Lord, 

"But I have made her strong. You can't imagine what she can endure and overcome"

"Can she think?" The Angel asked...

The Lord answered. "Not only can she think, she can reason and negotiate"

The Angel touched her cheeks.

"Lord, it seems this creation is leaking! You have put too many burdens on her."

"She is not leaking...it is a tear" The Lord corrected the Angel...

"What's it for?" Asked the Angel.

The Lord said. "Tears are her way of expressing 

her grief, 

her doubts, 

her love, 

her loneliness, 

her suffering and 

her pride."

THIS made a big impression on the Angel.

"Lord, you are genius. You thought of everything. 

A woman is indeed marvelous!"

Lord said."Indeed she is. 

She has strength that amazes a man. 

She can handle trouble and carry heavy burdens. 

She holds happiness, love and opinions. 

She smiles when she feels like screaming. 

She sings when she feels like crying, 

cries when happy and laughs when afraid. 

She fights for what she believes in. 

Her love is unconditional. 

Her heart is broken when a next-of-kin or a friend dies.

But she finds strength to get on with life.

The Angel asked: "So she is a perfect?"

The lord replied: "No. She has just one drawback."

"She often forgets what she is worth."

Best Outfit For Scarf

Usually, people will select the clothing first before they choose what scarf to wear with it – or if it needs to be worn with one. A scarf is the best way to accessorize your outfit because it‘s versatility will enable you to be as creative in your fashion statement as possible. However, there are certain rules that you need to know about where a typical scarf can best be used for.

A Silk Scarf and Skinny Jeans
For instance, you may think that a silk scarf is best used for formal occasions only because of its texture. However, most fashion stylists will ask you to wear it with skinny jeans and a simple top – it can be a plain shirt with a snug fit. You have the option to wear in on your head, neck or if the length will permit it, on your hips as a belt. What this scarf will do is make your simple outfit very sophisticated. Just add heels or pumps and a purse and you can be off to an afternoon with your friends. Other lighter materials like chiffon and satin scarves can be worn with a dress or a suit as an accessory.

Tight Sweaters with Wool Scarves
Wool scarves are ideal for winter wear but thinner types can also be used during warmer seasons. They should be worn with tight fitting sweaters – not loose ones (unless you are a man). A bulky wool scarf will not go well with an equally bulky sweater. If you don’t want to appear like you are drowning in your clothing, stay away from this combination. If bulky sweaters are what you prefer, choose the thinner wool scarves.

Summer Outfits with Fringe Scarves
Fringe scarves are best paired with summer outfits. Even longer scarves can be wrapped around the neck or draped to hang loose in front over a sleeveless tank top with shorts and sandals. You can also tie it around your head to protect it from the heat. Use bright colors to compliment the outfit.

Scarves for Evening Events
For evening affairs, go for scarves with embellishments like beads and sequins. The glitter effect will contribute to the elegance of your outfit. Pair it with another glittering accessory like a small purse and it should be a good combination for your night out.

Other pieces that are usually accessorized with scarves are jackets and coats. It can be worn inside around your neck, or draped to fall in front of the coat. A scarf is a good way to create a lot of looks for the few jackets and coats that you own – especially during wintertime.

Scarf-Outfit Pairing Tips

• Make sure the colors and designs do not clash. Mixing and matching designs can be done with different patterns. Keep away from similar patterns like a plaid scarf with a plaid jacket.

• Do not pair bulky scarves with big accessories like dangling earrings, long necklaces, etc.

• Follow the simple rules in color matching. Warm shades must be paired with cooler ones. Also, wearing different shades of one color hue is also acceptable (e.g. pink with red or yellow with orange).

Any fashion stylist will tell you to dress to your strengths. Whatever choice of outfit, you need to ensure that it will compliment your body type and skin color. Regardless of the clothing pieces that you choose or the accessories that you pair it with, if it does not look good on you, it will surely fail.

Dear Scarf

Scarves, neckerchiefs are very important accessories. You can hide figure flaws and emphasize your dignity if you use them in a right way. Wearing these accessories will benefit any woman since they can create a reputation of a classy lady. So, in order to look stylish, follow some basic rules!

1.  You have narrow shoulders but wide hips. Your choice is volume but thin scarf which you should tie around your neck.

2.  If you have a thin neck, a sumptuous bow on the collar of your blouse will help you to make this little defect invisible.

3.  In order to look taller, put on a long scarf without tying it around your neck.
An unexpected fact – beaded shawl will make a woman look younger.

4.  When you try to blend the scarf with your jeans, pay close attention to such kind of details: it should be thin and small with tiny patterns on it.

5.  If you don’t know how to choose right color, it’s recommended to match it with the color of the belt or your own eyes. 

6.  In order to fix a silk or chiffon scarf, use a brooch. However be careful as it works only with plain fabrics. So, if your scarf has prints, it’s better to fasten it with a decorative pin.

7.  You will look more stylish if you don’t wear overly “fussy” scarf. It is known that designer works usually are not so pompous.

8.  The most stylish scarves are hand painted. By the way, textile painting is known as one of the most refined hobby of Hollywood celebrities.

 

Men, It's Time To Review A Proper Date...

Have we lost all chivalry in society today? I want my men to ask me on proper dates. I want them to take me out on proper dates. It’s really not too much to ask. With all our access to online dating and dating apps, it is easy for men to lose sight of the fact that they need to put forth effort to woo a woman. Make me feel weak in the knees, boys!

I know that some of the apps and sites are more for people looking to hook up, rather than find someone special. To be honest, I don’t think that I am going to find a partner by trolling for hotties on Tinder, but I do still think I can meet some cool dudes and maybe even get taken out on a few dates.

It is my strict and personal belief that if I am asked on a proper date, I will ALWAYS say yes! I don’t care who you are, what you do, or what you look like. I will say yes, provided I’m not in a committed relationship – and even then I have been given permission to go on a few (long story).

Let’s review what a proper date is…

It starts by actually asking me out. Please call me up on the phone, or if we are talking in person, ask me then. I will accept a text message asking me out, but it knocks you down a few points. Let’s review the proper way to ask a woman on a date. “Wanna hang out?” is NOT a proper way to ask me on a date, nor is it a proper date.

Most likely I will respond to this with a big “No.” “Brooklyn, can I take you out this week?” Or better yet, “Brooklyn, can I take you to dinner Friday night?” If you are awesome, you’ll say, “Brooklyn, I’d like to take you on an adventure. When is the best time for you?”

To any of these three proposals, I’d likely say, “Absolutely!” Now, I’m not saying drop everything, ladies, but if you are asked on a proper date, say yes! Unfortunately, it takes balls these days to actually ask a girl out.

Now, gentlemen, when you ask me out on a proper date, that means you pick me up at my house, knock on my door and escort me to wherever it is we are going. Please open doors for me. I dressed up for you. You can show me some manners if you’re really trying to impress.

Of course I can open my own doors. Heck, I can change my own oil! That is not the point. I am a lady on a date. Treat me as a woman. The age-old question of who should pay is awkward for the first few months for every couple. Guys, I am sorry but the burden falls on you.

You asked me out, so as your guest, you should pay for me. I won’t reach for my purse, but I will make sure to thank you before, during and after. I will always send a thank you text or call the next day. Ladies, appreciation goes a long way with a man. Do not forget that, ever!

A more casual date is allowed if you are meeting a woman for the first time, as in a dating app/site first meeting or a blind date. Obviously, do not ever allow a complete stranger to pick you up from where you live. But boys, after casual outings once or twice, if you like the girl take her out on a proper date.

When picking a place, know something about the girl. Don’t pick a chain restaurant. No matter how much I love Chili’s, do not take me there for our first date. Pick somewhere interesting, somewhere we can talk and somewhere not too mainstream.

If I’m being taken on an adventure, tell me what to bring. The worst is when you find out you are cliff jumping and need hiking boots to climb the rock face. I’ve got gear, just tell me what to bring!

The same goes for dinner, drinks, show dates – tell me where we are going or give me a dress code. If I show up in a hot dress to find you in jeans and your ball cap, I’ll feel silly. Make sure we are all set for success.

In the end, I put most of the pressure of a first date back on the women. Ladies, stop accepting anything less than proper dates. I have been in long-term committed relationships and had my fella still ask me on proper dates because I deserve it!

I would still dress up special for him and he could show me off. It’s romantic and there is no reason why we can’t all still have great dates! And he loved that I got all gussied up just for him.

Gentleman, step up your game! You will win way more hearts (and…other parts) by woo’ing a girl. We love to be treated like proper ladies on dates. Make us gush for you.

Learn Chinese tongue twister - The Monk and the Mute

My Childhood Memory In 80’s Malaysia

Nowadays, what's the children's games? Definitely are computer games, PS3, PSP, iPad, iPhone and more which these advanced electronic devices are not available at our childhood. Since technology advanced pretty fast, few of these games or foods are rare to see now, I’m sure all these will make you recall back to your childhood, those good old days..
No one will know what is the feeling when seeing these pictures but only those are born in 80’s Malaysia (may other countries as well) will understand exactly how much i miss it.

Games

Cartoon

Food

10 Marriage Tips Every Wife Needs To Hear

I came across an interesting blog. (http://eighthrising.wordpress.com/2013/10/28/10-marriage-tips-every-wife-needs-to-hear/)
I cant seems to share it here, so i copied it here.
It's for wife but i think it's useful to girlfriend too. (Just change the "husband" and "marriage" and "D" words.) Check the link above to read more.


There’s a blog post that’s recently gone viral, written by a divorced man featuring some really sound advice about marriage (click here to read it).  I really have to applaud this guy.  It takes guts to stand up and be transparent about your failures.  It’s equally as commendable to stand up and say how you’d do things differently.
One thing that his post is lacking, however, is the female perspective.  After reading his post, I wanted to take some time and write down some things that I’ve learned in the last ten years.  You see – I’m now in my third marriage.  When people learn this fact about me, their reaction is usually pretty awkward.  It’s almost as if they’re waiting for me to be embarrassed by my admission. While going through two divorces was some of the most painful times of my life, I’d only feel ashamed if I’d gone through it without being able to say I’ve learned a thing or two.  My husband and I had both been through divorce before we married each other, and with that brings a unique perspective into many do’s and don’ts of how to treat your spouse. Don’t get me wrong – our marriage isn’t perfect, but our failures in past relationships have shaped decisions we make about the way we treat each other, and to be honest, I’m glad I went through it.  We’ve learned better, so now we do better.

And with that, I’d like to offer up my version of his wise marriage tips – from a woman who has triumphed the murky waters of divorce.

1. Respect your husband.  - Notice how it doesn’t say “Respect your husband if he has earned it”. A man’s greatest need in this world is to be respected, and the person he desires that respect from the most is his wife.  The trap that we’ve all been ensnared by is that they only deserve our respect when they earn it. Yes, we want our husbands to make decisions that will ultimately garner our respect, but the truth is that your husband is a human being. A human being who makes mistakes. This is the man that YOU have chosen to walk alongside you for the rest of your life, and to lead your family and he needs to be respected for that quality alone. Take it from me – when respect is given even when he doesn’t deserve it, it will motivate him to earn it. That doesn’t mean you pretend that his choices are good ones when they aren’t. Things like that still need to be communicated, but you can flesh out your differences WITH RESPECT. It makes all the difference in the world to him.
2. Guard your heart.  - The grass is not greener on the other side. Do not believe the lie that with a slimmer figure, a higher salary, a faster car, or a bigger house, you will be a happier woman. The world is full of things and people that will serve as reminders that you don’t have the best of the best, but it’s simply not true. Live the life you’ve been blessed with, and BE THANKFUL. I get that we all have struggles, and there are even times when I would love 1,000 more square feet of house to live in, but square feet is not fulfilling – relationships are. Guard your heart from things and people that will try to convince you that your life or your husband is not good enough.  There will always be bigger, faster, stronger, or shinier – but you’ll never be satisfied with more until you’re fulfilled with what you have now.
3. God, husband, kids…in that order.  - I know this isn’t a popular philosophy, especially among mothers, but hear me out. It’s no secret that my faith is of utmost importance, so God comes first in my life no matter what. But regardless of your belief system, your husband should come before your kids. Now unless you’re married to someone who is abusive  (in which case, I urge you to seek help beyond what my blog can give you), no man in his right mind would ask you to put your kids aside to serve his every need while neglecting them. That’s not what this means. When you board an airplane, the flight attendants are required to go over emergency preparedness prior to takeoff. When explaining the part about how to operate the oxygen mask, passengers are instructed to first put the mask on themselves before putting it on their small child. Is that because they think you are more important than your kids? Absolutely not. But you cannot effectively help your child if you can’t breathe yourself. The same holds true with marriage and parenting. You cannot effectively parent your children if your marriage is falling apart. Take it from me – I tried. There will also come a time when your kids will leave the house to pursue their dreams as adults. If you have not cultivated a lasting relationship with your spouse, you will have both empty nests and empty hearts.
4. Forgive.  - No one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. If you make forgiveness a habit – for everything from major mistakes to little annoyances (every day, I have to forgive my husband for leaving the wet towel on the bathroom counter ) – you will keep resentment from growing.
5. Over-communicate.  - I used to have a bad habit of not speaking my feelings. I played the standard “You should know why I’m mad” game, and that’s just downright unfair. Men are not wired like women, and they DON’T always know that they’ve been insensitive. I’m still growing in this area, and there are often times when my husband has to pry something out of me, but I’m trying to remember that I need to just communicate how I feel.
6. Schedule a regular date night.  - This one isn’t new, but it’s very important. Never stop dating your spouse.  Even if you can’t afford dinner and a movie (which we seldom can), spending some regular one-on-one time with your spouse is essential. Don’t talk about bills, or schedules, or the kids. Frankie and I often daydream about our future, or plan our dream vacation. We connect emotionally and often learn something new about each other – even after four years.
7. Never say the “D Word”.  - If you’re gonna say it, you better mean it. Plain and simple, threatening divorce is not fighting fair. I did this a lot in my previous marriages. I’m not proud of it, but I learned better. I was hurting deeply, and I wanted to hurt back, but it never helped me feel better.
8. Learn his love language.  - Everyone has a love language. The way you perceive love is often different from the way your spouse perceives love. Does he like words of affirmation, or does he respond better when you give him gifts? Whatever his love language is – learn it and USE IT.  Edited to add: If you are unfamiliar with the principles behind love languages, you can learn more about it here.
9. Never talk negatively about him.  - I learned this lesson the hard way too. If you’re going through a difficult time in your marriage and you need advice, see a counselor. Family counseling is a great tool, but try to remember that your family members and friends are not the most objective people to give advice. The argument they are hearing is one-sided and they often build up negative feelings toward your spouse, which usually doesn’t subside once you and your husband have gotten past it. Protect his image with those that you’re close with and seek help from those that can actually be objective.  News flash, ladies – your mother cannot be objective!
10. Choose to love.  - There are times in a marriage that you may wake up and not feel in love anymore. Choose to love anyway. There are times when you may not be attracted to your husband anymore. Choose to love anyway. Marriage is a commitment. In sickness and health, in good times and in bad. Those vows are sacred. They don’t say “if you have bad times”. They say “in good times AND in bad”, implying that there WILL be bad times. It’s inevitable. So choose to love anyway. He’s worth it.

Do You Know About OIL?

Does applying oil to your skin terrify you with visions of breakouts, blackheads or a greasy oil slick? If so, you’re not alone. But before you forego oils entirely as part of a healthy skin care regimen, read on. It turns out that using oils on your skin (and yes, this includes your face) have some incredible benefits. The key is figuring out which oil is right for your skin type and knowing how to use it.


Marula
Known as Africa’s “miracle oil,” Marula Oil has been revered among African women for centuries for its powerful moisturizing and anti-aging benefits. Extracted from the fruit kernels of the marula tree, this precious and highly prized oil from Kenya nourishes and deeply hydrates the skin while protecting it from those damaging free radicals that accelerate aging. What makes it so effective? For one thing, it’s super-rich in fatty acids and Vitamins E and C. And for another, it has higher levels of antioxidants and Omega Oils than Argan Oil. But the proof is in the using. Marula Oil has been shown to visibly reduce the look of wrinkles—from crow’s feet to those “parentheses” that frame the lips. The way to get the best benefits of this light, non-greasy oil is to use it sparingly. Day and night, massage just two or three drops on your face, neck and décolleté as a stand-alone moisturizer or layered under another facial moisturizer, if your skin is on the drier side.


Grape Seed Oil
Another oil known for its great anti-aging benefits, Grape Seed Oil is light, absorbent and helps to regulate your skin’s natural oil production—making it ideal for oily skin. Found to lighten age spots and pigmented skin caused by UV rays, Grape Seed Oil has been shown in scientific studies to have more linoleic acid than most oils, as well as more antioxidant power than Vitamins C and E. Plus, biochemists researching the health benefits of this oil have found that it contains Oligomeric Proanthocyanidins (also known as OPCs)—another class of flavonoid complexes that act as antioxidants in the body. In addition to their antioxidant abilities of fighting off free radicals, OPCs also stabilize Collagen and maintain the skin’s Elastin, for a visibly firmer appearance. Use Grape Seed Oil directly on your body to reduce the appearance of stretch marks and saggy skin. Although the oil is often found in many cosmetic products, you can also add one to two drops of Grape Seed Oil to your face moisturizer to enhance its effectiveness.


 Olive Oil
Olive Oil is more than just a condiment. Once referred to as “liquid gold” by Homer, Olive Oil has been used as a beauty and skin care remedy by the Phoenicians, Greeks, Egyptians and Romans. Today, it’s still prized for everything from erasing stretch marks and minimizing wrinkles to anti-aging therapy and deep hydration. One reason Olive Oil is so effective is that it’s rich in antioxidants, such as Vitamins A and E, polyphenols, phytoserols and the rare compound, Hydroxytyrosol, all of which help repair skin and neutralize the free radicals that cause skin damage. These antioxidants have a natural ability to stimulate cells and bring skin back to a firmer, healthier state. Applied to the face or body, Olive Oil will penetrate deeply and create a protective barrier that traps moisture without clogging your pores. And because it’s gentle and non-irritating, it’s a good choice for sensitive skin, though people with very dry skin should avoid using it. Olive Oil can serve many skin care purposes: As a nighttime facial moisturizer, Olive Oil can be applied sparingly to cleaned skin. Mixed with sugar, it makes an excellent exfoliating facial scrub. Add 3 to 4 tablespoons of olive oil with a few drops of an essential oil like lavender to the bath for a fragrant, hydrating soak. Actress Emily Blunt once told Allure magazine that she soaks her face in Olive Oil to soften her skin. If you’re prone to acne, you might want to proceed with caution (though Olive Oil has also been touted as a great treatment for acne as it doesn’t clog pores.) As a skin care remedy—the same as when using it as a condiment—100% cold-pressed, extra-virgin Olive Oil is best.


Argan Oil
Extracted from the kernels of the argan tree, Argan Oil is one of the rarest and most expensive oils in the world. Berber women have used this precious oil for centuries to nourish and protect their skin. Abundant with super-high levels of Vitamin E, antioxidants and essential fatty acids, it’s excellent for repairing cell membranes, preventing premature aging, reducing inflammation and retaining moisture. Argan is also rich in proteins, which help tighten the skin, minimize wrinkles and improve elasticity. Experts believe that Argan Oil can also help with many skin conditions, from dry skin patches to psoriasis, eczema and acne. Argan Oil can be found in some skin care products, though many people look for it in its pure form. If you have pure raw Argan Oil, a few drops can be applied to clean skin at night
as a moisturizer. It’s non-greasy and non-oily, absorbing easily into the skin.


Black Currant Oil
Derived from Black Currant Seeds, this centuries- old health tonic is wonderful for skin that has undergone some sort of trauma—for example, post-laser treatment, or even for someone with wind-burned skin après a day on the slopes. Rich in vitamins, antioxidants, essential fatty acids and anti-inflammatory properties, it helps slow down the skin’s aging process and is wonderful for repairing damaged tissues, healing scars and minimizing the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles. It even helps minimize symptoms of psoriasis and eczema. A word of caution: Allergic reactions to Black Currant Oil are possible, so check with a professional before using.


Rose Hip Seed Oil
Rose Hip Seed Oil is one of the best oils available for anti-aging and skin rejuvenation. Packed with Vitamin A, Vitamin E and essential fatty acids, it helps delay the effects of skin aging, promotes cell turnover and boosts Collagen production for firmer, smoother skin. In addition, it’s ideal for minimizing the appearance of scars, stretch marks, age spots and hyper-pigmentation. Rose Hip Oil is known as a “dry” oil, which means that it soaks into the skin easily without leaving a greasy residue. This oil deeply hydrates and can be used straight out of the bottle—even on sensitive skin. It’s not, however, recommended for use on acne prone or very oily skin.


Chamomile Oil
Just as chamomile tea is known for its relaxing, stress-relieving properties, Chamomile Oil is excellent for calming the skin. A great choice for people with sensitive skin, Chamomile is a natural skin soother, calming irritations, redness, sunburn, windburn and bruises almost immediately. In addition to its calming abilities, Chamomile’s anti-inflammatory and antiseptic properties make it an ideal choice for people suffering from rosacea or broken capillaries, as well as for treating acne, eczema, psoriasis, rashes, burns and redness. As Chamomile is a member of the ragweed family, people with allergies to ragweed should avoid Chamomile Oil. To make sure it’s okay for you to use, test patch the oil by dabbing a drop on your wrist for a day to see if you have any allergic reactions.

What are "Heaty" and "Cooling" Food?

When a Chinese uses the terms 'heaty' or 'heatiness' to describe the kinds of foods he/she would like to have or avoid, most Westerners would probably have no idea what those concepts are or find them strange. 

In Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), the notion of heaty (yang)(as opposed to cooling or yin) is related to the balancing of ‘yin' and ‘yang'. To most people, especially the Chinese, in Asian countries such as China, Hong Kong, Malaysia and Singaporeans, such concepts are very much part of the indigenous culture and are commonly used as a form of expressing certain set of symptoms or sensations often associated with emotional or physical reactions such as: 

1. Feelings of irritability;
2. Short temper; 
3. Fever; 
4. Constipation; 
5. •Flushed face or cheeks; 
6. Dark yellow urine; 
7. Sore throat
8.  •Nose bleed; 
9. Outbreak of pimples and acne; 
10. Rashes
11.  •Mouth ulcers; 
12. Indigestion. 

Excessive "cold" energy in the body, on the contrary, will make us feel weak, lethargic, tired and restless.  

The constitution of each person is influenced by congenital factors as well as the acquired lifestyle (e.g diet, stress level, amount of exercise and sleep, living environment), and this varies from person to person. In other words, different foods act upon the human body in different ways and affect our state of health. The body's metabolism, functioning of organs and organ structure all combine to determine our susceptibility to these heaty and cooling effects of foods. 

Examples of cooling and heaty foods:

Cool (Yin) Foods: 

Bamboo shoot, banana, bitter gourd, clam, crab, grapefruit, lettuce, persimmon, salt, seaweed, star fruit, sugar cane, water chestnut, watermelon, lotus root, cucumber, barley, bean curd, chicken egg white, marjoram, oyster, pear, peppermint, radish, strawberry, tangerine, and yogurt, broccoli, cauliflower, zuccini, corn, tomatoes, pineapple, turmeric.

Neutral (balanced Yin and Yang) Foods:

Honey, corn, abalone, apricot, beef, beetroot, black fungus, carp, carrot, celery, chicken egg yolk, cuttlefish, duck, fig, kidney bean, lotus fruit and seed, milk, olive, oyster, papaya, pork, potato, pumpkin, radish leaf, red bean, plum, sunflower seed, sweet rice, sweet potato, white fungus, yellow soybean, brussels sprouts, snow peas, sweet potato, taro, dates, figs, raspberries, raisins, sage, rosemary, thyme, brown rice, apple.

Heaty (Yang) Foods:

Pepper, cinnamon bark, ginger, soybean oil, red and green pepper, chicken, apricot seed, brown sugar, cherry, chestnut, chive, cinnamon twig, clove, coconut, coffee, coriander (Chinese parsley), date, dill-seed, eel, garlic, grapefruit peel, green onion, guava, ham, leaf mustard, leek, longan, mutton, nutmeg, peach, raspberry, rosemary, shrimp, spearmint, sweet basil, tobacco, vinegar, walnut, jack-fruit, durian, leek, shallots, spring onion, , apricots, blackberries, black currant, mangoes, peaches, cherry, mandarin orange, grape.

How a food is prepared also matters. E.g Beef is considered as neutral, but if you have it deep fried or grilled, it would be considered as heaty. In addition, there are some interesting broad guidelines to determine whether a certain food is heaty or cooling:

Heaty/yang foods:

• grow under the hot sun;
• are sweet;
• •have lots of fats; 
• rich in sodium;
• are hard, dry or spicy

Cold/yin foods:

• •grow in little sunshine;
• are salty;
• are lean;
• rich in potassium;
• soft and wet; 

The heatiness and cooling effect of foods refer to their capacity to generate sensations - either hot or cold in our body. They do not refer to the state of the food but its effect on our bodies. For example, tea is a cooling food. This means that it generates cold energy in our body. To seek a balance in diet, we can classify food as predominantly yin or yang. Hence, if you eat predominantly yin foods, your body will be capable of producing only cold energy, in contrast, eating predominantly yang foods produces hotter energy. 

If a person suffers from cold rheumatism, eating foods with a warm or hot energy would be helpful. If a person's acne condition deteriorate due to consumption of fried foods, it is beneficial to eat cooling foods to counter heatiness and relieve symptoms. Hence, to strike a yin-yang balance in the diet, it's almost natural for the Chinese to have a glass of a lemon barley or winter melon (cooling) drink to go with a plate of (heaty) fried rice, or a bowl of (heaty) spicy noodle with some (cooling) fruits such as star fruits or water melon.  

The concept of heatiness is not meaningful or relevant in the western medicine paradigm. However, it is believed that there is some parallel to Acid (heaty) and alkaline (cooling) balance, or protons and positive charges (heaty) and cooling (electrons and negative charges). Medicine evolves. Conventional medical doctors in the west has long started to integrate and learn about alternative treatments or medicines and incorporate them into their practice. Today they believe that these new medical approaches are beneficial and effective in many ways.